Dammit

I hate blogs sometimes

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screw the scale

It's no surprise that I've been obsessed with the scale for the past two years. And there have been some major victories. I've gone from 250 pounds in 2008 to 192 pounds currently, and that's something to be proud of. I'm more athletic now, and I don't feel like the biggest girl in the world anymore (though sometimes I definitely still feel like the biggest girl in the room, but whatever).

 

But there have been some real valleys in this journey. Times when the scale wouldn't move for MONTHS. I know it was a combination of diet, stress and sleep patterns. I know that. I know that if I had buckled down and stuck to a calorie count every day, I probably would have lost faster. But then there were those times when I was doing everything right and STILL couldn't lose. It got to the point where I was stepping on the scale every day, and cursing it constantly, hating myself. All because the numbers wouldn't go down the way I wanted them to.

 

It's not a healthy mindset for me anymore. It can't be all about the numbers anymore. Goals change. And even though I still want to hit 150 pounds at some point, that's not the prize I need to keep my eyes on. Because I want more than that. I don't just want to be some skinny chick. I want to be healthy. I want to be an athlete. I want to be a runner. And it's nearly impossible to diet and train for a long-distance race. So though I'm still going to watch what I eat (unlike this past weekend, sheesh), I'm not going to agonize over a bagel. Because the running means that my body needs the carbs. And it's going to need protein. What I don't need are the extras. The things my brain tells me taste good (chocolate things being near the top of this list) when they do my body NO good. I'm not saying I'm going to cut out chocolate altogether (are you crazy!?). But I actually ate so much chocolate this weekend that I made myself physically sick. To the point where I wasn't sure I was going to make it to work the next day. And that's just my brain clinging to old things, old ways, and not making the distinction between what my body needs and what my brain thinks I want. The brain has almost always been wrong lately.

 

So yeah, I had pie this morning (strawberry rhubarb, sooooo good) and a chocolate peanut butter ball. But when I go tutoring tonight, I skip the ice cream, because I don't need it. My body has gotten its sugar for the day, and if it wants dairy, that's what my skim milk is for at home. I don't need it. And I don't really want it.

 

I'm looking at joining the New York Road Runners. If I join now, run 9 races next year, and volunteer for one, I get into the New York City Marathon in 2012. That gives me short term and long term goals. There's also a race in Central Park on New Year's Eve that Jen and I want to do. It's not running away from my scale obession and demons - my plan is to run them right out of me. Because they can't control me anymore.

Oh boy

Decided against running this morning, and chose cross training instead. Did 35 minutes with BodyFate and HOLY CRAP. I forgot how much squats and pushups and lifts hurt. And then it made me run around the block as fast as I could, and I've been so spoiled with starting out slow that it nearly killed me ;P I find it funny that I can knock out 4 miles, but had trouble with 1/2 a mile this morning ;P

I'll be resting tomorrow. I need the sleep, my muscles need the break, and I have a race on Sunday.

Rough morning

But at least I got a 4 mile run in.

PMS slump

I had such a good day yesterday. Ran 4 miles, the scale was kind, and I felt like I was making progress somewhere.

And then this morning happened. Couldn't get up. Missed my run. Hate my hair. My clothes. My body. My brain. I didn't even want to leave the house. The scale was decidedly unkind, which is ridiculous, because I know I didn't gain 3 pounds in a day.

Days like this are always going to happen. There are going to be setbacks. There are going to be days when it feels like it's not worth it and I should just throw in the towel, stop exercising, and eat whatever the hell I feel like.

But I know that's far from the solution. That the self-loathing would take up permanent residence, and things would just go downhill. So I just have to focus on eating only what I bring with me to work (and avoiding the M&Ms and wedding cake) and giving it my all in beach vball tonight.

Evil Spam

I apologize for any of you who received spam from me. My account was apparently hacked. Lovely ;P I'm doing what I can to fix the problem. If you receive any of those spams from me in the future, a quick email to let me know would be great. Thanks!

 

--Lisa

Turbo Fire - Week 5

So I just finished the first 4 weeks of TurboFire, and I've gotta say...I'm tired ;P I got hit with an early period and it kinda knocked me down, making me not want to do anything, and then I think my body just got tired. Two days in a row I changed the scheduled workout from what was on the plan, but since I still worked out, I'm not feeling too bad about it. And on the days I run with John, I haven't been doing the second workout. I skipped Tuesday's workout too, since I had 3 hours of volleyball that night ;P I'm learning that I don't need to drive myself into the ground all the time. I made Jen promise to keep me from doing my workout the day we do our 5k in NYC. There is no reason for me to fit that workout in on top of running 3.1 miles, and walking around the city. That's just ridiculous.

And because the first 5 weeks are over, it was time to reevaluate calories as well. That's one thing I love about the program - your calorie needs change, since you're losing weight. I was at 1850 calories a day, and now I need to try and trim it to 1795. We'll see how that goes ;P

But, on a very good note, I saw 194.4 on the scale this morning. Woohoo! I had a random thought as well - for my birthday, I think I want to find myself a little red dress and go out somewhere, looking hot. It just sounds like fun :D

Just finished Week 2

And it's going really well. My weight as of this morning read 195.8, and that makes it almost 6 pounds in two weeks. Awesome! Especially considering the brownies I've been consuming. But I've tried to keep it within my calorie count when I enjoy them :)

 

Some of the workout days have been really hard. Especially the Fire 45. I thought it couldn't be too bad, since I can survive the Fire 55. But there's something about this workout...I've done it twice now, and it kicked my ass both times. Completely wiped me out. I'm blaming the heat, too. I sucked down 2 bottles of water DURING the workout, and still wanted to pass out at the end, even getting tunnel vision. Yuck.

 

Today's my rest day, and I actually wish I had some hardcore workout to look forward to. I know that I won't make myself run when I get home, but maybe I can force myself to do BodyFate (an iPod app). I've just had a really rough day emotionally, and I could use the outlet.

Day 6 - Turbo Fire

Today's workout was the shortest one I've had so far, but that doesn't mean it was any easier ;P I had HIIT 15 and Stretch 10. I'm used to the stretching one, and I really enjoy it. Nothing difficult in it...just some great stretches for after you're done with your workout. It was my first time with one of the HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) workouts, though.

 

Basically, there were 3 fire drills, and you did each one 3 times. 40 seconds of going as hard as you possibly can, and then about 40 seconds of recovery before you do the next one. There was a lot of jumping (which I don't do so well, LOL), and I didn't always get the timing/moves right. But I was pretty damn sweaty by the end of it, and I was most definitely out of breath. We'll see how the calorie burn compares to other workout days :)

 

The scale and I had a bit of a disagreement this morning. When I woke up and went to the bathroom, I weighed myself, and it was 200.5. Except that that made no sense with the calories I'm taking in and the calories I'm burning. Ticked, I went out and did my workout. After that, I got BACK on the scale, and it said 199.5. That made much more sense, except for the fact that I had dropped a pound in half an hour. Then I went to the bathroom again and took a shower, and when I got out, weighed myself again (because at this point I was just CURIOUS). And it said 198.5. Which is exactly what I should be by tomorrow. So...yeah. I say we take the best out of three, right?

Day 5 - Turbo Fire

I'm not quite as sore as I was, which is very good :) My lower back doesn't hurt, though I can still feel my abs groaning when I'm in certain positions.

Today was Fire 30 and Stretch 10 again. It's nice to know what's coming - I've done this one three times now. It hasn't really gotten any easier, though. Sweat was pouring down my entire body. I'm used to it in my lower back and hair, but this was streaming down my legs, too. Ridiculous. But I feel so accomplished afterward :) I also did some moving into the new apartment tonight, and I know that was a little bit of a workout too :D

And...the scale says I've already lost 2 pounds. Let's hope I keep on the straight and narrow with my eating and that that trend continues!!!

Day 3 & 4 - Turbo Fire

It turns out that Friday was a killer calorie-wise. I ate a little over 2200 calories, but I burned 3400. So I am totally okay with that. Between doing my workout, and moving a washer and dryer, and moving my desk (that SUCKED), I was absolutely wiped out. We also got papasan chairs and put those together (not that that's terribly difficult), so yeah. Long day. Productive, but long. And very very hot.

Yesterday was the same workout as Thursday. I didn't do the "new to class" option this time, and I managed to follow everything fairly well. Still an amazing workout. But on top of that, I picked up my little brothers and we went to the park for a run. John and I did 2 miles (jogging about 1.25 miles of it), and I'm so proud of him for doing this twice. I know it's hard for him, but he feels so accomplished when he finishes. Hopefully he learns that working out is such a mood-booster :)

Today was Core 20 (20 minutes) and Stretch 40 (40 minutes). I thought it would be easy - foolish me! Core was just...ow. I'm not using to doing core moves with resistance bands, but that's exactly what Chalene had us do. I could really feel it, though. And the stretching was actually yoga ;P At least it was only 40 minutes (unlike Tony's ridiculous 90), and it wasn't as hardcore. There were some new stretches, and it all felt really good :)

Day 2 - Turbo Fire

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

I woke up SO FRIGGING sore this morning. From my elbows, up my arms, down my shoulders and back, and all the way to my hips. The muscles in my lower back HATE ME. I kind of completely forgot that I even had muscles back there. Chalene found them, though, and worked them to death. I feel them when I turn, when I sit up straight, when I get up...yeah.

So today's workout was Fire 55 EZ Class (55 minutes). There was nothing "EZ" about it :P A lot of dancing - I like it, despite the fact that I know I look like a beached whale when I do it, and not sexy in the least. Whatever :P It's because of those moves that my abs/obliques/lower back are on fire. And that's good. THAT is where all my fat is now (aside from some in the inner thighs). So hopefully this will just rip through all of that CRAP.

Thank the good Lord for the "new to class" option. Otherwise, I'd be completely lost with getting the moves down. Plus, it gives me a little time to breathe before the next round of hell begins. And even then, I still screw up the choreography sometimes. But as long as I'm moving, I'm not really gonna care :P

I like Chalene (I apologize if I'm misspelling her name...I think it's right, though). She's encouraging the whole way through. She dances like an idiot (though still manages to look sexy...witch) and has fun and tells you you can do this. I like that. I think she and I can get along for the duration of this program. Maybe I won't even hate her the way I came to hate Tony some days...(yeah, right).

And I stuck to my calories yesterday. My goal was 1850, and I hit 1853 (maybe 1870...I did sneak two more triscuits before bed). So I'm okay with that :D I also burned over 2500. And I know on Tuesdays I burn about 3000 because of volleyball. Those are always my hard-hitting days :)

Turbo Fire - Day 1

HOLY CRAP.

P90X was hard. I built some serious muscle, I became more flexible, I got to the point where I was able to do things that I never thought I'd be able to do. Some mornings were hell, and it was 90 freaking days, but I DID IT.

Turbo Fire is an entirely different beast.

I got my package last night, and couldn't WAIT to open it. And it came with this beautiful little calendar detailing my "class schedule." And that's when I saw it.

TWENTY WEEKS? Are they serious?

Anyway, while I was already staying up way too late last night, I did the math for how many calories you should be eating. What I like is that every four weeks or so, they have you recalculate, since your body is changing. Awesome :)

So the daily calorie count for now is 1850.

The first workout this morning was Fire 30 and Stretch 10 (the numbers are the minutes that the workout lasts). Chalene is a MACHINE. I did the "new to class" option, so that she explained the moves to me more before making me do them. And it was 30 minutes of constant motion. I was DRENCHED. Sweat streaming down my face, my hair soaked. Tucked into those 30 minutes are 3 different rounds of cardio and 2 fire drills. The fire drills are 70ish seconds where you go BALLS TO THE WALL and just hit it. You get a full minute of rest after that, but you've got to give it everything you've got for those 70 seconds. It's tough. It's fun. I think I loved it.

And my stomach thinks that it should eat everything in the world right now since the after burn (of calories) is insane.

Stretch 10 was nice, too. Ten minutes of stretching and relaxing. I'm totally down with that ;P

So day 1 is under my belt. We'll see what Day 2 has in store for me tomorrow :D

Oh...and starting weight was 201.5 this morning. Let's work through that last 50 pounds!!!